EMOTIONAL EATING | Tomska and Kati Morton

EMOTIONAL EATING | Tomska and Kati Morton

Hey everybody I have Tom here I’m back He’s back! Round number 2. Every time we come to a convention we hang out Yeah, this therapy session costs a lot Tom is here to talk to us about comfort eating I’m an expert Can we get a wide shot please But in all truth I think its something that a lot of people turn to as a way to cope and I think that Tom has talked openly thus far about it, or no? I don’t need to talk about it…people can see..like my weight fluctuates on camera so frequently And its, its always been the case I guess my first question is do you remember when you first started using food? To soothe, is that the right word? I think so yeah I think I was about 9 years old and I had a really really horrible teacher Who…made an example of me I knew I was a fidgety child This was a bad time in my life when I got diagnosed with ADHD It was an incorrect diagnosis but still Thats how much of a disruptive fidgety student I was This teacher really had it out for me And I just started eating Umm..food good! I would eat meals, I was a very skinny very active child until then but you know suddenly I went to being chubby That would then evolve into getting bullied because you’re chubby So it was like a terrible snow ball? I’m being bullied I’m going to eat more And again thats just been the relationship that I’ve had with food kind of ever since I’ve yo yo dieted and theres been about 4 stages of my life where I’ve almost successfully got to a weight I’m happy with And then gained all the weight back again Each time I gain I actually get heavier than I ever was before I have a very very bad relationship with food How is it…I’m just curious now I’m in therapist Kati mode How was it at home with your family? Does anybody else in your family use food? Both my parents comfort eat And both of them have a very complicated relationship with food as well You know my dad does a lot of manual labour and he just like eats sugar to keep his mood up and to work and so he’s always had a bad relationship with food, My mum as well copes through food – so we are just a food eating family And both my parents – whenever they’ve successfully lost weight has been doing ketosis diets where you basically don’t really eat much and it puts your body into sort of a starvation mode Ketosis is bad, I mean It’s a valid method of dieting as long as the aftercare is appropriate in which you learn and eat properly or else what will happen is you will just immediately gain all the weight back Yep yo yo back up Which is what’s happened with me I have done a couple of ketosis diets I’ve blown it at about the half way point and then just gone NOM NOMNOM and my body’s like Oh cool we’re not starving anymore better hold all this fat for the next time we’re going to starve Yep And then I get even heavier Yeah its got to be hard though to be truthful Have you ever worked with a dietician or nutritionist? I have Did that help though? It did, it did for about 6, or 7 months that’s always like how long I last I had a personal trainer and a dietician I actually got in really good shape Here’s the photo I still wasn’t quite there but you know, I was very nearly there and that’s actually the exact point at which my mental health started to crumble Oh when your friend passed away No, it was actually So my friend passed away and I kind of just go into the zone and I am really in denial So I was working through the grief and part of that was exercising, dieting and then about a year after he died I tripped and fell and never recovered mentally and physically thats when my really toxic relationship with food started where alcohol was introduced into the mix and I do honestly see them as one and the same. Yeah This is like the most alcoholic thing to say but I can quit whenever I want Alcohol genuinely because I don’t see it as it doesn’t register as alcohol It registers as just more food So its more like a hand to mouth Yeah – I stop drinking for months at a time and that’s really easy but its more just that I don’t do anything between nothing and everything It’s all very black and white Yeah I can be dieting hard core or stuffing my face every 5 seconds yeah But have you been in therapy? I’m asking but I already know the answer Not for that No Thats the message I think I want people to receiv and it all depends too on specialisations. I happen to specialise in eating disorders as many of you know I think that a lot of therapists and a lot of people don’t understand our relationship with food something that I learned recently that I find really fascinating is in trauma work the trauma specialist I had on, Alexa talked about how as children we – as babies, we are taught to be soothed with food Yep because we cry when we are hungry, and then we are fed and we are soothed And so the sucking and swallowing – the actual swallowing it soothes us and our system If we feel lots of anger our amygdala – which is our like woo woo sending a fire alarm is like making us feel like ‘I’m enraged’ and then food soothes that siren Yeah what really took me from being chubby / fat to obese which is really its a territory I’ve definitely strayed into was the addiction to alcohol Food was always how I would cope with being sad but then alcohol is how I coped with being depressed because and when I get into manic mental states when I drink, everything slows down and I can focus on one thing and that isn’t the thing that’s upsetting me in my head its not myself It would help me veg out I’d like to say it ‘did’ I like to talk past tense – but its my life Yeah and so Its like basic human nature I would get lower and guess what I would want to do? Eat I’m not the kind of guy who drinks and then cheats on his girlfriend or anything like that I cheat on my diet Like crazy so You know My mental health would get bad and I have one of two options eat food to feel better, or drink alcohol to feel better but when I drink alcohol I eat food anyway yeah So food’s going in my mouth No matter what happens Foods going in the mouth Yeah Is this video going to go anywhere or is this just going to be about here’s how Tom is bad with food Yes it will go somewhere – I’m going to take it there right now Please Kati – help me Insert segue So regardless of how you feel whats happening, if you’re feeling like shit in any way if your mental health is terrible or declining – food Yeah It was food before I even had mental health issues and its food now Yeah Have you ever tried – the thing that I work with my clients most is trying to find other coping skills They’re not great You’ll hate them in the beginning, they’re not as good as the food but are there any things you put in place Like okay, ‘Before I go home and comfort eat I’m going to try…blank blank blank”? Yes Staying out so late that all the takeout places closed Oh Genuinely something that I’ve done sometimes Yeah that’s not an option until 11pm but burying myself in my work is something thats not another healthy coping mechanism Yeah What about a way of getting stuff out? like all your feelings Do you have an outlet? Screaming Yeah Screaming is good No, I think screaming is great Yeah for sure but its yeah I’ve got nothing I’ve got no idea really of a more effective idea Yeah I just like eating food Thats okay, there’s no shame in it, I think it’s figuring out and finding something that works for you and in truth you all know this, but 5 healthy coping skills or so, maybe less maybe more to squash that one unhealthy one such as? So something that you could try would be calling a friend. Girlfriend, somebody. Talk about your day talk about what was happening “I feel like shit” thats okay Doing some kind of art that’s not related to work I don’t even know what that means anymore But maybe thats a problem you’ve taken your one outlet and you’ve turned it into work versus letting it be cathartic for you and that could be, you know, I know you do cartoons and stuff Yep For some people, its music like finding a playlist that they feel expresses it Screaming is actually a good one Screaming in your car I told Nanna do that and she’s like “But I scare myself” and I’m like “But I think it’s healthy” Sure Those are just some of the ideas A lot of things can be self care related too like things that you like to do that don’t involve food Like going to a certain movie or a certain show or spending time with certain people or I mean for me, I enjoy not having anything to do for a day and I walk around with my earbuds in listening to music and maybe go get my toes done So what would your ideal day look like? oh gosh um Well I guess socialising is always a very valid option but you know what socialising entails? Food People eating We do But you can still eat Its eating the right amount – it’s so hard thats the thing thats what I don’t know how to do is moderate Something that I’ve talked about on other videos is about hunger fullness cues Because often when we either under eat or over eat or use food to cope in some fashion we don’t connect with our body any more – its more emotional. Oh yeah totally I know I need to drink more water Thats the thing so much of hunger is based on actual thirst and I drink, so that makes it worse! It makes me even more thirsty I need to drink more water Thats the number one thing that I don’t do is drink Thats how my friends can support me keep giving me water I always like to if someone comes into my office I never I never am a huge fan of ‘here’s a tonne of things you should do’ because they’re always going to be like – fuck that I’m out I’m done with this But instead its like small achievable goals so something you could try would be like this week I’m going to try to drink 3 glasses of water a day and then I don’t know how bad your intake is Terrible 1 to 3 Yep 1 would be a good start yeah – so no joke and thats okay to meet you where you’re at right Yeah So if we did 1 or 2 a day, the goal would be 1 2 being like 5 gold stars for you Tom yay! We can go there, but then also the one time you want to but then the one time you want to binge, or you want to eat to cope, you call a friend first Sure I mean, that would be like for starters I think part of its changing the conversation with yourself because you don’t have to be on a diet I don’t believe in diets at all its more about your relationship with food and you at least finding a way that feels good for you to talk about it and maybe you’ll have 3 bites less and then maybe you won’t go right to it right away you’ll call a friend first – I mean it’s all small steps because I think the thing about any kind of eating and food we go black or white, we go all or nothing we’re in or we’re out we’re either not eating anything or we’re eating everything and I think, not I think – I know that life is more in the middle and we all have to eat – thats the difference about like ‘I’m sober or I don’t do drugs’ its like, you don’t need those to survive but we need food to survive and so, healing the relationship that you have with food is more where I’m headed versus you need to be on a diet and lose weight, because that’s not the truth Okay so like, I’ve been dieting so much in my life I know the things I actually need to be doing 1 – I need to be drinking water so that I am less hungry 2 – I need to go shopping so I actually have a stocked fridge full of healthy things that I can reach for so that I don’t develop the urge or need or the financial need to get take out 3 – on top of that I could potentially budget my finances so that I so that I you know, have a limited amount of money to spend on food to begin with so I’m more incentivised to buy food in you know, Yeah make it at home You know, brown rice and stuff 4 – You’ve got to eat often and little Yeah So instead of having 3 hearty meals just eat – is it when you’re hungry? or is it just at intervals? Just eat small amounts It’s supposed to be – I know all this stuff in theory I know Thats okay Its all part of what feels right for you There’s really no set thing that we have to do, but they prefer especially for healing like an eating disorder I was told when I worked in the eating disorder clinic – it was eating every 3 to 4 hours Right So it would be 3 meals and 3 snacks every day Okay And so, it actually gives us a lot of leeway to find things that work and to find what snacks we like and how big a meal will be because if you start listening to your body and start growing that conversation with your body about hunger fullness, and at times you’ll bel like, I’m not actually hungry like I actually did just eat. And so you kind of find that happy medium but it takes practice! but it feels good Yeah I know but you can find other things that feel good yeah its true it can get better Well thanks for sharing your story Tom I’m helping You always help Didn’t he help? Please leave in the comments – let us know what are some coping skills and things that you do to help stop comfort eating or binge eating, it can help Tom or someone else I’ll be in the comments I’ll read things, I’m out of ideas Yeah sometimes we just need someone else to give us a little tip to get started We did a video over on Tom’s channel so make sure you check that out click here to subscribe Bye

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100 Replies to “EMOTIONAL EATING | Tomska and Kati Morton”

  1. This hits a lot too close to home. It feels relieving to hear it and be validated, but scary because I know there's a lot of work to do to get better. I think I'm gonna go get a hug now. Thank you.

  2. Omg he actually helped so much, like I always knew that this wasn't healthy but this video made me start thinking about therapy, tom I hope you can get there, not only on weight but the mentality, i hope I get there. I think I just gotta understand that food is not a friend, not an enemy, not an ally it's not what I should be going for to prize myself, or do out of boredom or think it's something I should be "deserving" and definitely not something I should be keeping myself away from as a punishment. I just want food to became food

  3. I don't usually comment, but… damn… kati is a really good psychologist/therapist… I feel like this might actually helped tom. also when kati mentioned coping skills and music I wondered if tom has ever tried to play the drums? I feel like that would be a good release for stress and anger?

  4. Can someone deal with a bad mental state/illness without realising they are doing it? It seems like that is what happened to me, I was consciously trying to understand my feelings and the solution to my problems and now, although not fully, I think I am a fairly healthy person but I used to be extremely sad and detached.

  5. One thing that might actually be helpful to a lot of people is practicing mindfulness while eating. It's like how you set your brain up during yoga but while you eat. And I mean eat in a quiet place with no distractions.

  6. Hey Kati and Tom,
    I have started using apps to help boost productivity and promote habit formation. Tom mentioned struggling with drinking enough water, one app in particular starts out by implenting that habit! It is called "fabulous", it was created with the Behavioral Economics Lab/ Center for Advanced Hindsight at Duke University and it's rewarding to use. Another one lets you check off boxes each time you've managed to achieve a goal you set out to do say 3 times a week: journaling or every morning: taking a 15 minutes walk or mindfulness meditation. You can track your successes over time and introspect on how realistic your goals have been etc. It's called "Loop Habit Tracker". These apps are for android, if you happen to have an iPhone there is an app called "Productive" that I've heard works with the same principle.

    Mata ne~!

  7. im so confused how to feel when someone tells me "i dont believe in diets" because usually are ppl that are more on the healthy side of weight, and if im honest it feels like they might not really understand because they're already in the healthy place and their relationship with food is not based on comfort or coping mechanisims. Myself that I've struggled with my weight all my life, I've tried countless times to talk to nutritionists and different types of diets and they work for a little while but I end up with this unhealthy lifestyle. I dont know. I guess, like I said at the beginning, I dont really know how to feel at those kind of statements because in some aspects I kind of agree since I dont seem to have any permanent benefit from them but at the same time, diets are the only time I've actually made progress, however temporary and ephimeral it is. Im really confused

  8. Damn… I appreciate Tom putting himself on the spot like that, it's very inspiring for him to talk about such a hard topic for him.

  9. Hello Tom (and anyone else reading this)
    I binge eat sometimes too, and while I’ve managed to tone it down quite a lot, it still feels like it a lot of the times. But it’s important for me to remember that I have reduced it by a lot, and part of how was by just letting myself binge (because I was coming from a place quite the opposite- anorexia). Remembering can sometimes be a reminder to me that I am capable of stopping.
    I don’t know how I reverted from being an anorexic to a binger, apart from being body starved. I think a little of it was that my anorexia didn’t get me really happy, and I still struggled from the same thoughts I did at a higher weight. But binging made me gain my weight back, and that didn’t help in making me happy either. Right now, I’m still ripe in a shitty brain space, but a much better eating scape.
    I’m trying to think of the other things I did to get past it. (I don’t really remember much of living.) Apart from allowing myself three meals and snacks a day, what else did I do? A little thing I did was get myself a bottle. And while I do and did drink a lot of water that not drinking enough was not a problem for me, I drink lots in one go. This leads me to feel overly full, for a short amount of time, after which I feel depleted dry which I then mistake as ravenous, and then try to dissipate that with food.
    So, I got myself a bottle. A half-litre bottle with a straw that’s chewy. Because the constant hand to mouth compulsion, I’ve had it too. The bottle helped in some capacity, I drank more slowly, less and chewing the straw is something I love doing. But to be honest, it’s just a bottle. It’s still hard to reach for it when I’m reaching for a handful of food.
    I guess I’m trying to say that things don’t always help. The place that food can fill for a short amount of time and the feeling it can give is hard to replicate. I hope you find your 5 other coping mechanisms other than food that are substantiate enough. I hope you find what you search for in food in something else, something that delivers far more and is actually fulfilling. I hope that you will be given refuge from the pain that you are in, and that it happens soon.
    Love <3

  10. It took me years to have a "normal" relationship with food and I have bad days still. Bad days where I eat too much but the next day I can say "Ok, that was bad. New day new chance". Like Kati said, it takes time and practice and even if you think that it will never get better, just give yourself a rest day or a little treat and then back up going!

  11. Here I sit, 67 y.o., with over 35 years of therapy under my belt. Watching and listening to Tom nearly made me cry. I STILL have food issues that are very similar to Toms'. Thank you so much, Tom, for your bravery and honesty.

  12. I noticed he’s focused a lot on the eating part not the emotions behind it, I get the feeling that has gotten in the way of the real healing

  13. I really love seeing these videos about mental health with youtubers, it's so important to have these conversations openly – and also incredibly difficult to do.

  14. Thanks for this video. It's always good to know that you're not the only one and other people know what it's like. I stopped drinking alcohol and now I have noticed the emotional eating creeping back in. It was my coping mechanism when I was a kid. I'm thinking I just need to do things to distract myself and it will be better. But it's so hard to do. Especially when you have a nice neighbor that gives you cake and other sweets and my husband doesn't really like sweets. So I end up eating it all. :/

  15. So I've just started therapy and one thing I've started doing is journaling so I remember what has bothered me between appointments. I become very deeply introspective when I write, and I had the realisation that my unhealthy eating wasn't just an out of whack schedule. I am a parentified child and what I would do once the baby was down and I was finally able to sit down and process my day is get REALLY upset. I was bullied really heavily in school and once I processed it and allowed myself to get emotional, there wasn't anyone there for me. My father would be on the road for weeks at a time and my mom worked fill time and went to school full time to provide when my dad retired. He's old. So from 10-ish years old, til now ( I'm 27) I've either emotionally ate, or starved during periods of homelessness (16-21 y/o). Now that I'm finally stable at the bottom of my needs pyramid, my emotional scabs are coming off and everything is SO hard to handle. I'm going to try some of these other coping things and see how they do. My appointments are really far apart and I can't really wait to get things under control, especially the eating since that can kill me if I don't. Thank you for sharing, Tomska (my boyfriend loves your work) and thank you Kati for giving all of us the knowledge and tools to try and help ourselves.

  16. My family table and dinner was always full of anxiety. Arguments and complaining all the time. My mother was very strict with food. We could never eat outside of meals so if we were hungry I would have to sneak food all the time. If you got caught she would be very angry. Basically eating was almost always in an anxious state. Now I deal with my anxiety and depression with food. When I feel anxious I immediately want to eat. It is forever joined together. It sucks.

  17. a tip for not overeating: use smalle plates. it makes your brain think you have more food than you do on it since theres less empty space

  18. If I'm trying to be healthier and can't eat for comfort I start to feel depressed. Thank you for your tips! "They're not great. You're going to hate them at first." Yes!

  19. "Screaming in your car." Is this FDA approved? 😆 I used to have a really bad relationship with food in my 20s—which I think a lot of women have—partly about wanting to be thin (I was), partly about wanting to be in control, and a soupçon of… I don't know, self-punishment (?), coping with anxiety (I think), a whole 'ball' of reasons… But I got so tired of it, all this time one spends wastes thinking about food—what I'm not going to eat, what I want to eat, what I will eat, then regret it, and yes, dieting, oh the dieting, and the occasional bingeing—when I could spend my rain power and time thinking about something else; anything! Something stupid, something fun, something deep, daydreaming about boys, whatever wasn't damned food.

    So I made it a goal to have the kind of relationship to food that children have: the only time they think about food is when they're hungry. And it has pretty much worked. Rarely do I diet anymore. If I feel like I have gained a little bit of weight, a few pounds—I don't let it go too far (I have a max weight, 60 kgs, that I won't go over; ideally I like to be around 57 kgs, that's where I feel like myself—I hold back a little, that's all. And when I feel like eating something, ice cream or a dessert, I eat it, without this thing a lot of women do: "I really shouldn't." Or they won't eat it unless someone joins them (and they try to make you do it). It works for me. Luckily I love vegetables. (My mother instilled that in me; "have some greens," and now I almost panic if I don't eat vegetables for a couple of days.) And my philosophy about ice cream is "hey, you gotta keep up your metabolism!" And it seems to be working for me; I'm at 55 kgs. 😄

  20. keto diets are about severe restriction of carbohydrates, not about starvation. it's not just a short term fad diet, it's a long term option too. carbs are not an essential nutrient. yes it may not suit everyone, like those with disordered eating patterns, or those who can stick to a low fat diet. i find high fat foods very satiating, so personally on a low carb diet, i've found it easier to distinguish between wanting to eat for hunger and for emotional reasons. being able to notice what's going on is usually my stumbling block with most mental health issues i have.

  21. I'm 11 months late apparently so maybe no-one will ever see this post, but just in case. I tend to eat when I'm studying, or sometimes at work. But mostly at home when I'm studying because I feel depressed and lonely and under stress. I don't see what coping technique I could use because I need something that I can do WHILE I'm studying. So doing sports or writing or calling a friend is not an option. I need something that won't take up time because I already don't have enough of it as it is. Any ideas? Thanks 🙂

  22. I have either a bottle or a tall glass on my desk (I recommend the bottle so that it doesn't spill water on your computer if you knock it over. Having a pretty one makes you even happier to tend to it). Having it around gives me a visual cue, and I don't even need to be thirsty to drink. I refill it every time it's empty; which as a bonus allows me to walk away from the computer every couple of hours so my brain doesn't fry. I also suspect having ADHD, so I see drinking regularly is a kind of healthy fidgeting. Tea and infusions are great too! You get a visual AND olfactory cue. It has a routine feel (put the kettle on, get a tea bag, wash your cup, pour water, wait 3 minutes, throw the tea bag away…) which makes it very soothing to me, and it's an efficient way for me to self care.

  23. Thank you Tom, I am similar. Then I lost 120 pounds blew my knee joints, had to get replacement knees and cant exercise so I am struggling all over again. The struggle is real and you are not alone. I am gonna choose healthfulness every GD day I swear !!! lol I just did there, did you see that !!!??? We got this.

  24. Some things that have helped me not over eat is journaling or asking myself about what I’m eating: did it taste good? Did I enjoy it? How is it making me feel now(after eating) and for going out I ask a friend to share a dish with me or ask for a box and immediately box half of the food for later.

  25. I suffer from occasional binge eating, usually involving lots of cheese, meat or sugar. This hasn't affected my weight very much at this point but makes me feel guilty afterwards and will make me not want to eat. Generally I find investing time into cooking my food helps me make healthier choices and alleviate my anxiety towards food. I find what a lot of people focus on when binge eating is "oh I'm eating too much!" Instead of the damaging effects restrictive dieting and intentionally starving in the long term does to this relationship. The best thing to do when my eating habits are becoming really bingey is taking a step to be aware of what I'm eating without being judgemental, and being more aware of my body feelings (along with other coping mechanisms I learn in my group). Most people who have a healthy relationship with food don't generally feel guilty about their habits, generally they try and eat lots of fruits and vegetables, and avoid takeout or obvious 'junk foods'. Often times they aren't super restrictive or counting calories, they listen to how their body is feeling rather than the emotions (hungry, thirsty, low energy) and eat to give oneself fuel when the feeling arrives. At the same time if they aren't hungry and are feeling emotional, generally they use coping mechanisms other than food, especially in using support people and distracting when feeling the urge to emotionally eat.

  26. For me it’s an escape back to a simpler time. I’ve also been told non-stop by family members that I’m a ‘growing boy’ when I was young. It’s like a toxic friendship, an addiction. I could have one beer or one scotch, and be done with it, but give me an entire skillet of Hamburger Helper, I’ll be eating it until I physically hurt myself.

    If I met TomSka today I’d have something meaningful to converse with in regards to these problems. I met him in 2012 at Otakon and just randomly quoted an asdfmovie line…I apologize for that moment of awkwardness.

    It’s nice to see when a hero of yours goes through very similar issues. Good on ya, Tom. I wish you luck and much strength.

  27. My coping skills are so-so. For a while, I've been using a calorie tracker. It gives me a realistic picture of how much I'm eating. Also, the app I use divides the calories into breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a snack. That sorta helps me keeps me from eating all day. I know it doesn't mesh with the 3 meals, 3 snacks that Kati recommended, but it's what I'm doing. Also, my therapist just asked me to keep a log for her, so I have a journal with times next to what I eat or drink. For some people, focusing all this attention to what they eat and when drives them crazy. I already spend so much time wondering about it, so having a tracker helps me feel better.

  28. Having a friend to call or a distraction is 100% helpful during those binge moments. I had eating disorders for years, postponing and connecting to something you enjoy for 15 minutes before is so helpful. Also, my eating has a lot to do with being disconnected from other people, and those activities I find help.

  29. Things I'm trying: 1) Acknowledging the validity of my resentment for my disordered relationship with food, allowing myself to think that it IS terrible (even if there are much more terrible things in the world, even if I am partly to blame, etc.) 2) Perceiving a difference between acknowledging this disorder as terrible and allowing the anxiety and stress of it to propel me to perpetuate it, recognizing binging as a habitual but un-useful reaction to the feeling of powerlessness 3) Recognizing that habits are deep and not expecting step (2) to suddenly yield a perfect new me 4) getting space from my thoughts 5) diverse incremental moves in the positive direction, whatever "positive" might mean to me, whatever forms might make sense for me at the time…. 6) looking up "positive outlets to negative emotions", kati's videos, etc., whether I end up using the coping skills suggested or not 7) even w/ the tenets of intuitive eating, knowing that hunger "cues" are not "commands" and that I will be required to take an active role in my eating habits if I want to improve them, which helps me feel less frustrated that my eating habits don't naturally just "click" into the correct gear 8) not banning myself from using food to make me feel better, recognizing there's a big space between an instance of food soothing and binge eating 9) having respect for the mystical biological/hormonal/etc foundations of the drive to eat…….

  30. Nutristionists only learn lies at school
    Stop every transformed product immediately and tell me about it (sugar, salt and pure fats like oils etc)
    Replace it by a pure product like fruits for sugar, green leefs for salt/ minerals and avocado, nuts etc for fat (fat is VERY important)

  31. My not crazy over weight or under weight but my relationship isn’t that great basically I Boredom eat it’s not that bad on week days because I eat 3 meals I’m at school all day and I do homework so I’m not bored I’m busy but on weekends it’s bad because I’m just bored alone and I entertain myself with food but it’s the worst in the summer because I’m alone and home bore all day yes I know this situation has a easy fix but yeah also My adhd was getting bad so I was put meds again and part of the reason I said was because the medicine would make lose weight

  32. I've told my therapist the same things Tom said. EXACTLY the same things….down to the "I know what to do, I just don't do it". I'm transgender and have been transitioning for 4 years and eating / weight / health are by far bigger issues for me than my transition….it's not even close. I've done the trainer thing, the huge healthy eating thing (no pun intended) and, like Tom, I almost get there and then poof….it is worse than ever. I really wish I could get on top of it and get it under control for good. My best to Tom and thanks Kati for having this video!

  33. I relate to this so much and I also have a really strange thing that when I’m emotional eating I have to eat until there’s no food left like literally, I keep eating even when I’m full bc I have to eat everything ??? thats so weird pls what can I do to get better??

  34. Eating many meals and snacks is literally my downfall. I end up eating 3000-4000 kcal a day without even noticing because food is something I easily engage in to procrastinate or entertain myself… best thing I did was eat only couple meals a day. Then I can actually see how much I'm eating and have an understanding how much is too much. Still end up binging at times of course. IF helps me, because I can limit my binge-danger time to a smaller window. I mainly binge by accident after I start eating, I never slip when I'm not next to food..

  35. I wish I could ask you how you keep your teeth so damn white. Your smile is so gorgeous bc of your teeth! I know you won't answer me though since it's so off your topic lol

  36. I started swimming almost everyday by myself at the gym recently. It helps me a lot because it's a fun, tranquil, low impact, mood stabilizing workout. Every time I'm stressed or overwhelmed I go make time for myself at the pool. I've found myself using food to cope with my emotions about 80 percent less. Drinking enough water is a huge one too. And meal prepping as often as I can helps. I never stop myself from eating out though. I just chose to make my new "regular item I order" a healthier or lower calorie option (depending on the place I'm at. I don't like to count calories but sometimes there are no actual healthy choices and it just comes down to moderation). I eat 3 meals a day and usually one or two small snacks. I don't follow a diet really. I just eat what the American Heart Association recommends: lots of fruits and veggies, lean meats and plant proteins, whole grains, healthy fats like olive oil, nuts seeds and avacado, minimal to no sugar whenever possible (but I still indulge when I really want it). Most importantly I have learned NOT to beat myself up if I over do it and to start each day fresh. Positive self talk helps a lot. I talk to myself in the car on the way to the gym and always focus my self convo on the positives and improvements I have made.

  37. It's interesting tom "knows" 3 things he absolutely needs to do when dieting, when I don't feel like I need to do any of those things to diet. haha I think clinging on to these ideas is negatively effecting his ability to diet. There is water in many foods and drinks, the average person stays hydrated by drinking when they're thirsty. We don't need a set number of glasses. And It doesn't matter how many small meals you eat in a day, it's simply about the amount of calories you eat in a day. Eat them however you like! And Keto is a very popular low carb, high fat diet that works great for endomorph body types. It doesn't have to be a diet necessarily, we could all live forever without pasta and bread carb sources. Have you seen the amount of carbs in carrot sticks!?? Haha good luck <3

  38. i'm an emotion eater myself, and i know that if i wait until I'm too hungry, i will scarf it down, then be too full and eat far too much. eating slow is important too. let your body process the food and tell your brain you have had enough. it is far easier said than done, but if you make it a conscious action, it changes the behavior a little. and then with less food, your stomach will get a little smaller and you won't require as much to feel satisfied. I've also been told watching tv or being online make you go into a daze of shoveling food in your mouth and you'll always overeat. being present in the act of eating leaves you more satisfied. talking, seeing your food, smelling it, laughing with friends, enjoying the meal slow.. all good. and i drink my water super cold out of a straw. doesn't make it as bad in my mind. and if you have the good ice……. oh lawd. ill have a good time eating the ice, and i feel like I've allowed myself to binge a little, but it didn't do damage to my body

  39. Try some exercise like cycling. I don't easily put on weight (I'm genetically blessed) but when I've been miserable in the past I've got unfit, drank a bit (not like addict though) and maybe ate too much. When I started getting fit again and changed my job (that was making me unhappy), I lost the weight, got fit and barely feel like drinking.

  40. You both helped! Great content guys. I can relate massively to Tom here. Take it slow dude, recovery is a slow, up and down and everywhere inbetween process. Remember to feel pride in every little victory!

  41. To me, eating 6x a day is too much and sets me up for failure. I do intermittent fasting and eat in the window of 1-7 pm to control my weight. Also learning about Calorie Density (search dietician Jeff Novick on youtube) and taking an interest and getting educated in your internal health — as in how the chemicals and overly processed foods contribute to disease.

  42. I tend to get snacks when I’m bored and I also used to drink way too little water but I’ve managed to improve (a little) by making myself tea when I’m bored instead of getting sweets.

  43. My problem is knowing when to stop eating. If there's food in sight I'm still hungry! All of it has to be gone for me to be satisfied, Or I have to be so full I feel uncomfortable. One trick I'm doing is serving myself a reasonable sized meal, Then putting all the food away in the fridge for later. Then I take the food to my room and eat there. I don't go back to the kitchen till I know its safe and I wont get more food lol. It's still a work in process. But I think the whole idea of planning out what I'm going to eat and the portion size of it helps.

  44. Finding healthy coping mechanisms should be taught in school with health class. Because I know I'm not the only child that went through it.

  45. hot take but the way he talks about "what he should be doing" is also disordered. kati you should tell him that the worst thing he can do after a day of a binge is restrict..

  46. I’ve been watching all your videos and many more since I’m coming for what I think is a eating disorder but all this recovery seems like it’s for people who have a true problem do I have a problem? I’m not sure if I need to go through all this feed my hunger mental and physical, I’m scared I may not be that sick since I never lost my piriod, and I’ve stop so much binge and purge like I did before….. I’m trying to fallow what all you beautiful girls put out there , but then I get to a point we’re I say… I’m I really sick? And need to do all this?

  47. Yes!! He did help! Just feeling less alone in it is great! Definitely an emotional eater here too

  48. Wow, I already love Tom's youtube content, but I love him even more after watching this. I CAN RELATE. SO HARD.

  49. Can you guys do a video explaining the difference between comfort eating and binge eating disorder?

  50. Kati I’m a mom of four little ones, I’m a emotional eater and find it my way of coping with my littles I really hope you do a motherhood series!!!

  51. This is awesome I’m the same way dude I’m a fitness nut and not into alcohol as much but definitely drugs in general and food you’re like me in a couple of years fuck

  52. Keto is not a starvation diet. It is low carb, moderate protein, and high fat. It has greatly reduced my binges, but being taken back emotionally to childhood trauma triggers a massive binge that I feel like I have no control over.

  53. I stopped selfharming and started eating, I think it's just another way to harm my body for me. But I'm going to try to find 5 other coping skills that are good for me. Thx for the tipps

  54. The main thought I keep having during this episode: He sounds like he's not currently ready/willing to make the necessary changes.

    Which I understand, addiction is damn near impossible to voluntarily break before one is actually ready…that's been my experience anyway.

    No judgement, just observing that he sounds very reluctant to actively participate in the discussion as it pertains to possible "solutions" (for lack of a better word)

    I'm sure he'll get there sooner or later (also in my experience, the willingness & being ready to break an addiction is one of those things that ebbs and flows)

    Thanks for the video!

  55. I’ve been looking for videos on emotional eating for a while now and this is the first helpful one I’ve come across.
    Thank you💛

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